Things I'm afraid to tell you

These posts were all over the web today. Their honesty inspired me to write one of my own:

I spend way too much time in my own head, over-analyzing every little thing. In my mind, things are almost always far worse and a way bigger deal than they really are. I bottle up all my fears and neuroses, and every once in a while the dam bursts and they spill out of me. Those are the days when I cry a lot.

In the year leading up to my wedding, I lost a lot of weight. Maybe too much weight. I was skinny. Like sticky-out collar bone skinny. I didn't eat enough ever, and it was probably bordering on being some kind of eating disorder. I was obsessed with the scale. The worst bit? Some days I wish I still looked like that.

I hate confrontation. It makes me feel like I might throw up. Because of that, I try very hard not to rock the boat, but to please others all the time. And then I end up letting myself down. Why do I do that? It seriously needs to stop.

My house is a mess. There are piles of things everywhere, and mostly they are mine. I hate it, because the more cluttered it is, the more anxious/pissed off I feel. For me, physical clutter = mental clutter. I am slowly tackling this problem, one room {and one pile} at a time. So far, so good.

I am seeing a counsellor to help me deal with all of this {and more}. She is awesome, and if I weren't her client, I would totally want to hang out with her.

I don't know how to make my blog format wider, but if I did, I'd do it in a second, so I could have bigger photos. You know, like they do on all the blogs that are prettier than mine {hello, Ms Insecure/Always Comparing Herself to Others right here!}

It's just about midnight, and as usual I am up far too late. Good thing, or I'd probably be less tired and more self-conscious. I'd delete this post for fear that it makes me look like a complete nut-bar! As it is, I'm leaving it up and hitting publish. Have you got things you're afraid to tell but want to? Share them in the comments, won't you please? It's always good to discover you're not alone {which is totally what I did when I read Kayla's brilliant post}...

Good-night, friends.
E

image via creature comforts