"LOST wasn't about what I learned, it was about what I felt"

{Consider yourself warned... I am about to ramble on quite a bit, and this post is full of spoilers for those of you who haven't seen the finale yet...}

I am feeling a bit lost at the moment. I'm missing my favourite show, and am bereft at the thought of it not being on tonight, or any other Tuesday night, ever again. It has been such a huge part of my life for the past 5 years (confession: I didn't start watching until season 2, at which point I was hooked and quickly caught up on the first 23 or so episodes I'd missed) No show has ever made me think so hard, or care so much. I can't help but feel genuinely sad that it's over. Not that it will ever be truly over, not as long as there are people out there who will talk about it, discuss what they think happened, and what were the reasons for things to play out the way they did. LOST wasn't just about a plane crash, nor was it about the island, really. It was about love and relationships, second chances and redemption. It was a great mystery, but it was a really beautiful set of love stories, too. I adore that show, and I wanted to give it a proper send-off (knowing full well that I'll never really say good-bye to it, thanks to my dvd collection and huge collection of books, especially the fantastic Finding LOST series written by Nikki Stafford). A reader of Nik at Nite (the lovely Fred) said:

"But in the first Monday after the LOST’s ending, something different starts to happen as we begin to filter our understanding of the show in its entirety, and not just in terms of the last episode. Over six years we have invested a part of our lives examining and re-examining this serial narrative, and what we have found is that LOST has proven to be a greater challenge than we had at first imagined. If LOST were to be understood only in terms of its ending, then we might find no need to continue the debate over the larger drama that unfolded over six seasons; closure is necessary for the rounding out of fictional narratives, but closure does not imply the ending of audience reaction to the story. We are now allowed to draw on knowledge we never had before; the final episode provides only another reference point from which to respond to the entire story."

I love that, don't you? It makes me feel better about the show being over. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the send-off... and I promised photos, too, didn't I? Here they are!

Sunday afternoon I got ready for my little LOST finale party. It was a little party, but an epic event of great importance. It called for treats.

I baked cupcakes. Polar bear cupcakes of course.

I stocked up on Dharma Initiative beverages and snacks (oh, and those must be veggies from Sun's garden!)

Yum. Dharma tortilla chips! With a hint of lime, for a tropical flair...

I invited my friend Dr Marvin Candle, um... I mean Dr Pierre Chang... oops, I mean Chrissy, to join us in the festivities.

Sadly, my jumpsuit costume fell through at the last minute, so I donned some grubby jeans and a tank top, made my hair kinda curly, smudged some dirt on my face, and pretended I was Kate. I don't know who that guy is (but he's drinking my Dharma beer!)

"Mmm, cake..." (did you ever see those promos? they were weird)

So we had our treats and we watched the show, just the three of us, savouring every second. We cried our eyes out, Chrissy and I throughout much of it (and even Alan got teary a couple of times). The way it all came together, and came full circle, was just so satisfying. Not every question was answered, but in the end I didn't mind too much. In the end, the characters and what they meant to one another was what really mattered most (and the questions will keep us talking for years to come!) The highlights for me were:

- the moment in the sideways world when Aaron was born, when Charlie and Claire were reunited and remembered each other (I went through most of the box of kleenex right then)

- Sun and Jin in the hospital, suddenly remembering everything

- Rose and Bernard (I always get excited when those two turn up)

- when Jack told MiB he disrespected John Locke by wearing his face (go, Jack!) and the bit where we realize MiB is mortal once more (and how about that bit where Jack leaped through the air, all ninja-like?!)

- Desmond was just awesome, wasn't he? I love Desmond

- Sawyer's relief and joy when he remembered Juliet (even though I always, always wanted Sawyer to be with Kate, and I never really felt the whole LaFleur/Blondie relationship and I still maintain that it wasn't given enough time to be truly believable, I can appreciate now how lovely that scene was for his character... I love Sawyer, and I just want him to be happy)

- Hurley asking Ben to help him, and the look on Ben's face... it's what he always wanted and I wept for him (Michael Emerson is such a gifted actor)

- Ben apologizing to Locke and Locke forgiving him

- Kate telling Jack how much she'd missed him, and looking so calm and peaceful and happy (not all conflicted like she has for so many years)

- Everyone coming together at the end... it was just so good to see them all together again, it made my heart feel full

- Jack lying down in the bamboo forest, Vincent at his side, and smiling as the Ajira plane flew overhead, just before his eyes closed (poetic and oh-so-perfect and oh my god it made me weep like a baby)

I can't wait to watch the finale again. And then to go back to the beginning, with new eyes, and experience it (in a new way) all over again. I have a feeling I'm going to love it even more. And I'm definitely going to need more kleenex!

* The title of this post comes from a quote by Guardian newspaper writer Jon Weisman and it sort of sums up how I feel about the lack of answers to some of the show's big questions... even though I would have liked to have those answers, it was more important to me to experience the emotions I did, and to connect with the characters in a way I never had with any other show. In the end, LOST was about love. And I loved it.

** I highly recommend the blog Nik at Nite. Go read all of these posts for thoughtful, insightful, in-depth discussions about LOST's epic finale and all that came before it, and tell Nikki I said hi!